Have you ever had to hold something in for so long that could potentially hurt or even kill someone you love? I have, i have had to deal with the fact that my sister is a drug addict. To hold this secret was eating at my insides. The things i have endured while keeping this secret is astonishing. I was even putting my life in danger to keep this from my family. For the longest time i was the only person other than her friends that knew, i would go on "rides" with her, i would sit there in my own home and watch it happen, i am 18 years old realizing i can not put myself through this anymore. She would make my life miserable if she didn't get what she wanted, she would take anything and everything of mine, from clothes to my camera. She was so good that she would make my parents think they were going crazy by stealing from them and pawning anything she could. After i began to see a pattern and it get worse and worse i would threathen her to get my money back or i would tell them. Finally she broke down and did. The devistation of telling my parents was horrible and once it was out i felt a huge chip off my sholder, i can finally breath. The guilt is starting to be dealt with, and i am finally moving on with my life. My sister went away for awhile and got herself help. Now she is a joy to be around i guess you can say. I am still very angry at her for what she put me through and probably will take me an extreame amount of time to trust and forgive her again. I dont know if i will ever get over the pain she put me through. I still have alot of hate for her, but at the same time i do love her and want the best for her. I have seen alot in my life now because of her and definitely do not want to go down that path. I am very proud she is becoming her old self again and i am getting my sister back. She is not only going to meetings dealing with her life and what has happened to her but she is even speaking out about it to others. My question to you is could you ever forgive your family member for putting you through the stress, guilt and hate that my sister put me through?
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You are such a strong person to be able to handle such a hard situation and still talk about it. I think that your sister getting help and trying to get her life back together shows that she really loves you and wants to regain your trust again. I believe that she truly is sorry for what she has put you through and she probably never even thought that she was putting you through such a hard thing. Even though she put you through so much i think that you showing that you are forgiving her will help to keep her on track. I hope that she is able to make a full recovery.
ReplyDeletemy brother recently came home from rehab for a coke addiction, but i can not say that i have any idea what you go through because i didnt even know about it. the fact that he didnt live with me made it easy to hide. but you must have to go throug so much because of her problem constantly.
ReplyDeletei can truly say i feel your pain i am in the same exact situation with my sister. its a scary thing to not know what tomarow will bring.
ReplyDeletemy mothers whole side of the family is either in jail or in rehab. it really stinks to have to deal with the pain of everything thats happening. I dont know how to look at my aunts and uncles anymore because of how they acted. they were really bad with drugs and they would steal many things from my family. Im so lucky that my mother isn't into drugs of anykind and my father is not into them either. But, having to deal with family members that are seriously in need of help is awful to look at. i am happy you and your sister are getting better again because i dont know what i would do if that happened to me .
ReplyDeleteThat's absolutely horrible... but I'm glad she's getting (and accepting) the help that she needs because that first step of overcoming the denial is always the hardest.
ReplyDeleteI can't say anything out of personal experience that I remember. I mean, my dad was a huge alcoholic and was sent to rehab for a month or two when I was 3 or 4, but I remember so little of it and didn't understand what was going on at that age anyway.
And I honestly can't say if I would forgive a family member for doing something that to me. Because you never really know how you'll react to things until they actually happen since in our minds we can be as nice or as mean as we want. I do hope that if something like that happened to me, I would be able to find it in my heart to forgive him/her. The fact that I hold strong grudges worries me though...
although i haven't personally dealt with anyone in my family having a drug addiction, i know people who have dealt with this kind of tragedy. it's sad and misfortunate but i believe that if the person gets help and shows that they can change, there is a possibility for forgiveness.
ReplyDeleteEven when I knew in my head that forgiveness was not the same as forgetting or saying 'oh, its ok', I had a hard time. In fact it wasn't until my father was dying that I could finally 'turn him over to God' and say 'I forgive you' - the destruction of trust and the 'waiting for the other shoe to drop' [how is he going to 'get to me' again] was the worst stumbling block. And *I* needed lots of hours in Al-Anon rooms to begin to 'see'. I do think that I understand forgiveness a little better now - and it certainly includes protecting oneself, even as you at the same time try to allow the other person to live their own life and take responsiblity for their own decisions. It was also hard to realize that it wasn't my fault, nor was protecting myself being mean to him.
ReplyDeleteIts a hard concept for me to think of addiction as a disease. At the same time I know, intellectually, that it is. I would forgive my good friend for breaking her ankle and not being able to walk, or my friend with cancer who was weak and bedridden. So, at least logically, I should forgive a loved one for addication. Good luck! Be true to yourself!
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ReplyDeletei can understand where you're coming from and how you feel even though situations i face isnt exactly your situation but i can def relate in many ways. as my mother would always mention and say blood is thicker than water...even though you had hated her and fely as if you can forgve but not forget... she is still yur sister...i think that through all the hard times you had with your sister you should build,learn,teach and also realize how to keep yourself away from the same situation she faced....to forgive and forget is the key.. because believe it or not without forgiving and forgetting it is pretty much pointless because there will always be some kind of tention. even though she is your older sister, direct her and show her the right path and make her look up to you instead of you looking up to her... continue to make her realize where her big downfall was, help her to realize that you do care with the forgiving and forgetting love that families should have and share(unconditonal love no matter what. knowing you michelle i am sure that yu can assure these things even though they hurt or have hurt you so bad where you cant even forget about it. just know that is easy "say" you forgive someone but forgetting and moving on comes alsong with i also... lesson learned is the key to growth,maturity,power and success trust me when i say=)
ReplyDeleteDealing with an addict in the family is more pain then you would ever want your worst enemies to go though. I have dealt with it since I was a little girl, my mom is a drug addict along with both of my parents being alchoalics. My mom went to jail for 8 months missing my 16th birthday. I'm now 18, and I'm still not over it. It still bothers me everyday. I still see my mother weekly, and have recently found out that my bi-polar disorder is directly geneticly drawn from my mother. Anger? Yes. Guilt? No. She did this to herself.
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